Carbonor's Poetry

[carbonor]

Since poetry is one of the accepted things in this section I thought I would start posting mine.  Hopefully you guys will enjoy them.


Ponderings

An unyielding light
      Breaks
      Through
   The Darkness.
Is it the answer?
Or just another danger.   


The Fear of Man

The great hero runs,
His nightmare close behind him.
His life is over.


Pull back

Pull back
Pull back
Pull back the memories that flow
    loosely away.
Never. to return again
       The   Past
    is gone and all things are in
The Past.
       The   Present
    is a Floating moment, gone in
The bloink of an eye.
       The   Future
    will never come.
Where do they go
       The memories
Do they return from where they came...
    or not
Do they merely remain with you, buried deep in the subconcious...
    possibly
Do they speed to the place they will originate from...
    could be
There is no way to stop them.
    You can only watch as they
        S
        L
        I
        P
           Through your fingers


Untitled 7

Her innocence is the light
      That brightens all around.
      Even the darkness, that
Penetrated her purity, could
                       Not
                 Devour the LIGHT.
She watches
       With open eyes,
       With open heart,
       With open mind
never condeming others
        To Fates
        They do
        Not deserve
                 NO
She merely watches,
        Discovering the truth and
        Breaking through the windows if the soul
Finding the LOVE
        She can not know

                              3-26-92

[carbonor]

Why it it So

My soul leaps
            4
Things it knows impossible.
         Nothing
           Safe,
             No
Nothing safe.
   Always Danger,
   Always Risk.
My mind believes (after
sometime) what my
Soul knows untrue.
Then
    The Cold
Blade of Rejection,
Depression,
              Sorrow
Pierce the tender flesh
     of     my
          Heart
  Driving me further
Into my own HELLSPAWN
          ABYSS.
Will I ever Love
With all that I
              Am.
Will I ever
          Find
Areason to Face
   My         Fears
Areason to Go
   On         Living
In this world, where
              I
   Go         Unnoticed
           Daily.
Why is this so?
Why  is  it  so?
           Maybe
   Someday
           I'll
     Know.

                              3-30-92


Untitled 8

We roll,
We roll,
We roll.
Over and
Over again.
Back along the edge
Of a dream.
Daring the tipsy-
Turvey journey,
Until life calms its
Struggles and Gives in to the
Abyss

                              9-1-92


Untitled 9

When the Sea
Becomes transfixed
Upon the Soul,
The night has
No Love.

                              9-17-92


Lost Love

What I would give
Just to hold you
In my arms.
Just hold you
In my arms
And whisper
I love you.
I love you
Over and over
Again.
Until there was
Nothing left but
You, I, and the
Universe.
I pray that
God was listening
The night I
Begged him not to take
You away from me.
I wish I knew the
Inner workings of
Your mind so I
Could learn your
True feelings for me
If you have any.
Will you leave?
Will you forget me?
Will I ever Love
Anyone with a fraction
Of the love I have
For you?
NO.

                              4-28-92


Questions

Can my life
          really
be so controlled
Can I
          really
be put under this spell
Can I
          allow
myself to succomb
to these wild desires
that fester within
          ME
       WHAT
is this power
That I possess
       PEOPLE
Trust me
       PEOPLE
rely on me
         WHY?
I am NONE
of these things
        WHAT
would people say
if they knew the thoughts
that curse my mind
when I am
        alone
Betrayal
Unfaithfulness
Lust
Loathing
Self-destruction
Hatred
Impurity
Tell            me
       WHY
I have to be these
Things
Tell           me
       WHY
my conscience must
carry the burdens of others
Tell           me
       WHY
I have to be different
Tell           me
       WHY
my MOTHER-FUCKING heart
has to be so weak
Tell           me
       WHY
I have to take
the day to day pain
of being used as a
        pawn
in a head game
that can't be won
Tell           me
       WHY
I can't be taken
from this HELLHOLE
I have been placed in
Tell           me
       WHY
my love can not
find a sure thing
instead of a road
full of pitfalls
Tell           me
       WHY
I had to take
the road less traveled
Tell           me
       WHY
         just
Tell           me
       WHY
I guess these are
just rhetorical Questions
I truly do Know
like I said
       my life
       is just
  BULLSHIT

                              4-4-92


Untitled 10

All things
     Life
All things
     Pain
All things
     Imminent Screams
All things
     Darkness
           Why Am
           Who Am
            I      Am
         I am the Cold Soul in the
                                          Night
                 The Fear of Retribution
                   The skin of Evil Cloaked in
                             Goodness
                           Flesh in its truest form
                              Flesh denied
                                 Cry out
                                    Call Back
                                    Call Back
                                    Call Back...

                              8-30-94


Untitled 11

Fragments
   Lost in Space
   Lost in Silence
   Lost in Love?
What is is all there is
       With out
   Holding on for Biased Reasons
            Long Dead and Forgotten
   Trapped in a world without need
              Needed but not wanted
        Raped by Perversion
            Beaten by Law
                  God's Law?
               I am his servant
               Denizen of the Dark
                        Serving
                The God of the Light

                              8-30-94

[carbonor]

Untitled 13

          The
                 Scars of
  healing      hands
     cling      tightly
 To  the      Womb of
Wedded       Bliss

                             8-30-94


Untitled 14

         Recipient
     Wisdom beyond Age
Knowledge beyond experience
Memories from Someone else
   Become lasting Vibes upon the
         Mind
   Life beyond Reality
      Reality beyond Death
         Gifted?

                              8-30-94


Untitled 15

      The Fire is gone
                Extinguished
             spent
             Frozen   Deep
                    Locked   Within
                             and   Without
Burning  Embers
              Flashing Ashes
                        Blackened Coals
       Burn
       Burn
       Burn
                        damn it...
                           burn

                              8-31-94


Untitled 18

One chance in a million
        Give it a shot
One chance in a million
        C'mon Archer
                  Let slip your glowing
      shaft      quickly...
                quietly...
             Feathers rush
             Steel charges
               Faster
               FASTER
    Splintered  bone
                 pierced flesh
             Dark, thick Liquid
        oozes
                   Heart Stops

                              8-31-94


Untitled 24

All
    We
         Are
All that is
         Fuck it

                              12-10-94


The Festival

     To Deny your soul
          To Deny yourself Truth
          To Bow, To Hide, To Cower
is what is expected
          (i am not a sheep)
     To Rip out your heart with steel, cold, serrated claws
          And prepare it for the dinner of the damned
     And there they sit...gorging, ripping, chewing
          Laughing, Making merry as they pick sinue from
          Thier teeth with thier hair and spit blood from
          Thier Obscenly shaped mouths
But they are not done.
     The heart is not enough
     (you must make something of your life)
     They want more
     They want your soul, your essence
     They want to take your innocence and tear it
              from your shell painfully with thier barbed fangs as it
Screams
              (why)
And you cry
     And when the feast is through, when the damned and the
     demons retire to thier cold, desolate, flame filled
     Manors...
         They leave you a distorted abomination.
         A sinful doppleganger

                              1-29-95


Untitled 28

He is a light
         Dim
     In the Blackness
He is the exiled commander
         Leading Loyal and Loving followers
     Along a razor thin path
He is the forgotten Father...
         Brother...
         Lover...
He is the Truth in Deception
         and the perversion in Innocence
He is the dedicated Hypocrite
         Believing one
      And Admitting another
He is the shattered unbroken Heart
         and the righteous sinner
He is the unwelcomed member...
         the unwanted quota
He is alone in friendship...
         dying in life
He is the grotesque beauty
         in tainted purity
He is the Heavenly Hell
         the burning breeze
         the cooling fire
He is the pain of pleasure
         and the grace of awkwardness
He is the genius of Simplicity
         the complexity of a child
He is the Boy within all Men
         and the Man within all Boys
He is the wisdom in naiveity
         the ignorance in Knowledge
He is the comedy in Tears
         the Laughter in Misery
He is the Insanity in Stability
He is Jealousy in Contentment
He is the Strength in Fragility
He is the Unknown Celebrity
He is the Perfection in Disorganization
         the Madness in Method
He is Devil...
         Angel...
         Peace in War...
         Law in Chaos...
         Order in Randomness...
      the Planned Spontaneity
He is the candle
      Carefully braced against the wind
   Wielding his promises like a cold, hard, blade
He hurts the ones he loves and Loves the ones
    That Hurt him
He is alone
          God Help Him..
He is me

                              2-11-95


Blackened

      I wanna be invisible in the Electric
             Cloud
           Sunburnt by the Wind and Rain
             Fire is the only Friend
           Black Dancing Souls skirt the Edge
With all our Powers We
             Follow the Currents
      Behind All we see you Until
             The sun is Blackened
             I believe in All
             I believe in Nothing
             I believe in You
      Blast  Through
      Blast  Free
             I blast Free from the   
                Loneliness
             But I can't break free from You
                Blackened
             Fall
               toward the Earth Hypocrite

                              5-1-95


Untitled 31

              I will be there
                Until your suffering Ends
              I'll be there
                I'll be there through thick and thin
          Until the World's at an End
            I will keep you deep within
              My heart
Silence Comes
  And you Can't listen to the words it says
You've clouded your Ears
  To its lessons and its ways

                              5-1-95


What is it? little girl

    You are mine little girl
    "I don't want to be." she said
    She looked at Him, fighting back the Fear. Was it fear?
    Perhaps it was something more like respect or awe.
    At ant rate, she forced it down and looked at
    him, eye to eye, Soul to soul. She wondered why she
    was so drawn to him, even now. What was it?
    His Lips, his Eyes, his Eyelashes...What!?
    I am inside you little girl
    She screamed in complete and total agony, Her eyes of
    Ice melting down her face. "Why do you hurt me?" she cried,
    "I Love You."
    Shut up little girl
    His innocence, his Purity, his beauty...she ran her hands
    Through her Raven hair, still wet from the Rain...
    What was it!?! "Why won't you let me in?" she screamed
    Shut up little girl
    "Why won't you Love me?" she begged
    Shut...up...little...girl
    "Why do you Hurt me?" she asked again
    SHUT UP LITTLE GIRL
    Wait...What did she see? Just for a moment...No,it
    couldn't have been. Not Him. She'd never known
    him to be weak...ever. It had to be a mistake.
    A trick of the light maybe. No! There it was again.
    "You're crying." She wispered
    "Why are you crying?"
    Because...because...Because I Love you little girl
    And that is what it was.

                              5-2-95

[carbonor]

Untitled 33

   He is the Wind
        Silent, Cold and Omnipitent
   He is the Fire
        Silent, Cold and Infinite

                              5-2-95


Untitled 34

It Glows
    Red and Deadly
The Color of blood, it
    hums out
    Insistant and
    Continuous, it
Speaks its eternal message
    Exit

                              5-4-95


Untitled 35

The Rose...
      The Rose Reminds me
of my Destiny
      Alone and Aluff.
Decayed and Crumbling

                              5-4-95


 Untitled 38

They are all gone now
        I am all that remains
      Only a few are dead...
                 Some turned their backs...
                           Some ran away...
                 And Some
      Did the Worst
They Sold themselves...
          So I am all that remains
             But it's getting so hard to Stand
                    My Armor is Busting
                          My Shield is Cracking
                                My Sword is Shattered
          And their Forces keep growing
               I don't think I can handle another another assault
                     I want to surrender
                           To go headlong into their mass
                 But I don't
                       I tighten down my Loyal Armor...
                              Strap on my Trusty Shield...
                                     Ready my Faithful Sword...
                       And prepare
                                          to
                                              Die

                              6-7-95

 
 It Comes Again

It Comes Again
    Round and Round Like a train
First this way
    Then that
I keep thinking I can brace against it
    But it always surprises me
It Always comes from the track I think is the Safest
    It Sucks me in
Seduces me
    Gives me hope and then
Crushes me
    In the Time it takes a heart to break
One Can see many things

                              6-8-95
 

The Clown

Laughter
The fortress of
The clown, hidden secrets,
Forgotten hurts behind the mask
Of tears

                              ?


Before the Age of Accountability

When do we Forget
That we can fly with the clouds
Or run with the light?

                              ?


The Sweetest Days of April

In the sweetest Days
    of April
The Sun shines
    even in rain
In the sweetest Days
    of April
Innocence is not
    a crime
In the sweetest Days
    of April
The World is Green and Blue
    And Oh so vivid
In the sweetest Days
    of April
The Hardships come
    to an end
In the sweetest Days
    of April
Love
    Is understood

                              6-8-95


Untitled 43

I am behind my walls
  again

                              6-8-95


OOPS!

Tip Toe
      Tip Toe
Tip Toe around the boy that's made of glass
And think nothing of it to bust his ass
Tip Toe
      Tip Toe
Tip Toe into the cracks running through his face
Oh those are tears! How awful the taste
Tip Toe
      Tip Toe
Tip Toe. Oh No the boy, the boy is dead
I guess he heard what she just said
Tip Toe
      Tip Toe

                              6-8-95


They

They make Love
             Not with each other
                                          but...
                  With the idea of Being in Love
They Ignore the confines of their Union
                                          and exist
                  In a world
                       Not ruled by
                              Decency...
                              Morality...
They belong to a species
                  Beyond Truth
                  Beyond Innocence
                          Where they are the Controling Factor
        Their Power is Supreme
They don't need Reassurance
They know
        And that is enough

                              10-25-95


Shadow's Promise

    This is an Outpouring
          Useless and Unimaginative
                         Full of Pain
                              And Zeal
               For  Some
                           Give
                           Give
                           Give
               For  Some,
                           A rock
                                    Jagged, hard
    Do you see as I do...
               For  Some,
                           Myth
                                   A faded page
                                       of psychosis from a lost
                                                And darkened age
               For  Some,
                           A cruel vindictive mistress
                                     4 barrel, fuel injected
                                        Slavery
    Can you hear the words...
                                      This is Devastating...
                                                 Confusing...
                                                 Quick
                                                          Rush through the moment
                                                                Awkward and Numb
                                                          Flick of the wrist
                                                                Slip of the Tongue
    Can you taste the anticipation...
    On this page
          Could be everything
                        The world summed up
                               In a flowing phrase
               It could be Truth
                         Deep feelings
                               Undisclosed,
                             For words
                                      Can be misread...
    Can you read between...
          Make this a promise
                         A vow of deepest Sincerity
                                  of Hope
                                           And Fear
                                                          A Cross to bear
                                                                A line to Cross
                                                          One man's gain
                                                                Is Heaven's loss
                   That the shadow
                           Shall forever more
                                  Respect and Admire
                                              The Beauty and the Elegance
                                                       Within
                                                    The Air

                              2-16-98


Untitled 17

Beauty is in the eye
         of the
    Beautician

                              8-31-94


Untitled 19

A Long time ago
    I was a man
         a boy
    Destroyed
         Destroy the boy
             choo choo

                              8-31-94


Untitled 21

I am defiant
  I defy you
I am defiant
  I defy Man
I am defiant
  I defy all
But One

                              11-20-94


I find...

So much
So little
     Too little
     Too much
            Dual sided and crystal keen
            Singular and mudded...
                                      crudded...
     Too nasty to be seen
An inherent doublesided fate
            I did not choose
               I did not vote
                  My standing never considered
So much
So little
     Too little
     Too much
            Fevers break but stones come closer
                  Red hues dull reason
                                   disrupt reason
                                     dispute reasons
I subject myself to mania and move slowly through the line
     Is this enjoyment?
         Can I know satisfaction?
                  One says no
                  The other...know
So much
So little
     Too little
     Too much
         I define myself:
                A man without direction
                A long bow without pull, whose string
                       is left loose and useless
                       is set aside for another year
                       is made to wait
         Intentions and plans
         Go hand in hand
         Until you strive to touch them

                              5-24-06


Untitled 51

                    There...
                           Did you hear that?
                                   Reality Ripped
                                           Another fabric torn asunder
                                                       Torn
                                                              Ripped
                                                       Ripped
                                                              Torn
                           As old Ghosts come back
                                     I lose the present

                              3-5-96


Untitled 53 (inspired by The Dark Tower Saga by Stephen King)

A chosen door
A broken shore
A need to draw at least three more
A will of might
A word of sight
A chance to make the wrong things right
A river kissed
With springly mists
Other hazes might consist
Of tender woes
A friend that knows
And to all others, To all those
Who act on betrayal
Only purchase to sell
The attempts that are tried are to no avail
I shall insist
To be not remiss
I will not accept and so I resist
A haunted look
For me it took
Before I could even open the book
To read the word
It's whispers heard
They speak of things defined as absurd
Their aid I enlist
To support what exists
I pray only that our time we've not missed
For what is unfound
The horn now resounds
And my shot is aimed at the one in the crown
He will fall here
On this I am clear
For I'm immune to the crippling effect of fear
Oh how I have wished
That I could dismiss
Just use my compassion instead of my fist
So the gift I now give
This life that I lived
And all of the pieces I carry with

                              7-15-06


I watch the screen

I can't imagine a more profound fate
        even if I tried
A mystery beyond my ability to solve
        Of course I want to solve it
                                 like a solvent
               But I can't get the mix right
                    Can you tell me what the chemical make-up of love is
      I am bound by my logic
           My realistic nature more a curse
                      Well...
                            Perhaps more an aggravation
           Curse is a strong fucking word
      Floating in a web of wires and chips,
           Awash amid the sheen of your lips
      A smile is the day...
                           the year that I rejoice
      If in some small way
                           I could be your choice


                              8-25-06


Untitled 54

Splendidly I collect the revenue of my disappointment
                  The sweetness
                  My longing
                  The combination of your taut curves
           By those standards I am rich
           But to trace your lines with my fingertips
                 to feel the velvet of your skin burning beneath
              I am warm at the thought
              I ache at the thought
                     Such fluttering pain that you give me
                     Such desires you inspire

                              8-25-06

[carbonor]

Inspired by Real Events

I can't say the same old things
Not this time
The situation is more deserving than cliches
Or standard operating procedures
Will allow
There is an emptiness within
Whose shape is in a constant state of change
When it appears circular
I look for a circle
When I find the circle
It appears octagonal
How can I fill what
Refuses to be filled
Where do I go?
What do I do?
I know this will not last
If it even occurs
Just another of the things used to tempt me
That serves no purpose but to prepare me for the next
But what if I want this one
Here and now
Not what I might have in a countdown of years
But what is here now
Am I so wrong to want that?
To be tired of the lessons
And ready to practice that knowledge I've been determined
To be worthy of
I'm tired of the carrot that dangles in my face to keep
Me moving
Patience hurts me
If it is to be
So shall it be
Am I to be alone then?
Say my name
Am I to be at peace with that which I know to be true?
Say my name
Am I to come undone everytime only to rewire myself against
Those failsafes
Why is it so hard for me to accept that I can not
Will not
Breakdown
I eat misery
It's make-up and vitamins are essential to my growth it would seem
I wish I knew when that started
Perhaps it would be easier to trace then
The path I've made through my own uncertainties
Easier to track down
Where it forked
I just want to be wanted
Not for what I can give
But for no more than who I am
Am I beyond the emotional context important in making a lasting
Connection?
The octagon becomes a square
Not for what I might be
But for no more than who I am
I need nothing (and is that part of my problem?)
But I want so much
So very much
Is it you?
Are you the bridge between
My world and this
Say my name
It is not enough to think so
I must be sure
I am not half a whole
But a whole half
Is that enough?
Enough for you?
Open your mouth and
Say my name
The square a trap-azoid
Can you fit into that shape?
I am true
Do you believe?
I want to rhyme
But must everything follow that pattern?
There are so many in this world
Following time-tested backbeats
I have sores
I have scabs and scars
Do they make me who I am?
Or less than I am?
Enough for you?
Say my name

                              9-26-06


This is A...

And here I thought
       The light would last
             I should have known
         Anyone can tell you that the bulbs must be replaced
                The switch goes on and on
                    But yeah, those bulbs fade
             A temporary solution is illumination
        The dark is the constant
                The default setting, if you will
                        The only way to go, if you won't
Is that viable?
         When does availability
                                 Become futility?
                      Where's the coronation?
                                   The onset?
                                             Seems I've lost my map
                             And time table
                                       Emergency numbers too
            Blah. Blah. Blah.
                             Hello?
                                 Triple A?
                                     It's me again...
                                        Can you come and get me?
Get me
      I'm on a groovy trip
            on a concious tip
                 Low and behold
                 High and be told
      Here's a thought...
              If I say "Fuck you."
                  You say "How high?"
Ha ha!
       Sometimes things are funny
                  Lies certainly are
                         I enjoy the belief that I'm stupid
                  Or thick
      Or dense
           Or ignorant
P.S.
       Please go on believing that
               Pay no heed
               To the clues that you leave
         I'll pretend to not notice
                      As I add them up
                                   To the sum you have hidden in your pocket
                            I'll switch the hands
                                    As you ask to see them
And you'll have no idea that I'm on to you
                    Hey...
                          If I pour out my heart
                          Will you refill it?
Of course not. No
It's just tic-tac-toe
Played with X's and O's

                              12-24-06


Untitled 55

Yesterday I woke up
    and I just didn't care
         You see,
                  I had given up that only the night before
       The welling of water
              Behind my eyes began to annoy me
                     There was a small portion of myself
                            That fought
                            And fought hard
       But he's dead now.
            To sanctimonious
                To inclined for the martyr method
Fuck that.
         He was a weakness
             Best disposed of before noticed

                              12-24-06

[G-man]

Some good and interesting stuff Carb.

[Aquaman71]

Pretty interesting stuff Carb. 

Very Cool.

[carbonor]

Much thanks guys! Truly!